I’m not even sure how I want to start this post. This subject has been on my heart for some time now and I’m going to speak on it because I don’t mind bringing up topics we seem to want to overlook. And as a mother to a daughter, this has to be said.
It has a lot to do with a spirit of our daughters. The other night, I overheard our daughter telling her cousin/bestie something that didn’t exude love in any way. It’s nothing new because I’ve caught them both saying some not-so-nice things to each other. But when I hear MY child, I give her this look and I’m like “Oh, no Ma’am”!! Now you see, I’m one of those parents who may never grow out of being raised in the 80’s <chuckles>. So seeing her do and say certain things, just won’t fly with me. I won’t apologize for my hard stance when it comes to correcting my children.
If I see it, I’m correcting it, right then and there. Yes, they are kids – just 5-years-old and I know that most times they are only doing what is done to them, be it at school, church or in the home. For me, there should never be a moment where two 5-year-olds should get away with saying things like “I’m better than you”, “I hate you”, “I don’t love you”. Like where does that come from?
Then I realized we have grown women – fully grown adult women who act the same way. And the hate is real!
There are grown women coveting right now. A woman who are secretly jealous, envious and feel the need to compete with you and you have no idea. And some of those woman (not all) are displaying this behavior in front of their daughters. And it’s sad.
As a mother, I try my best to see my daughter the way that God sees her. But I am not naive in my thinking to assume that she is always on her best behavior and that she can’t do anything wrong. Because when I was her age, I was no better than she is today. So when I hear things like that come out of my daughters mouth, things I know she’s doing out of retaliation, I am quick on my feet to remind her who she belongs to… Her Daddy, Her Mommy and her Lord and Savior.
My constant reminder is
“We don’t speak like that. Always be a friend and when you speak the truth, speak the truth in love.” “Your words should be used to build up and not tear down… do you understand me!?”
When we as adult women realize how wonderfully made we are, we will stop showing our daughters ungodly behaviors. Me included.
I made a vow a few weeks ago, that as long as I am able to, we as her parents are responsible for who she’s allowed to associate with. Who she’s allowed to call “friend”. It will be our job to protect her from malice, jealousy, envy, and catty behaviors that is displayed in other little girls. It is our job to continuously correct her, cover her in prayer so that those seeds that are planted take root.
Simply put – there is no room for it!
So where does that leave me? It leaves me having to separate myself from those same type of women.
As mothers, it is our responsibility to be exactly who we want our daughters to be. It is our job not to ignore the signs.
My Breaking Point
One evening I saw another little girl whose mother allowed her to treat my daughter so harshly with her words. Her mother didn’t say one word to stop it. In that moment, I sat there in disbelief. I felt stuck! I wanted to say something but it was like the Holy Spirit wouldn’t allow me to speak. (Please tell me I’m not the only one who has gone through this). I could literally feel myself wanting to yell at her. But what made matters worse is that Zoe-Grace then in turn, turned and did it to another little girl. I was devastated! It made me aware of what I needed to do.
Let’s face it, jealousy, envy, manipulation and feeling the need to be in competition with someone is no different than hating someone. They are all learned behaviors.
I want to go on record to say that my number one priority is not to be my daughters best friend but to be a consistent display of love, peace and support in her life. To not be afraid of her hating my gutts when she doesn’t get her way (because I really don’t care), and to make sure she is seen and treated fairly and equally because that is what we expect from her.
Here are my affirmations for Zoe-Grace:
We chose a strong name for our girl, and we know she is already who God made her to be.